Stranger
by jibber59
Summary: They hope the new arrival in town is just passing through, because there is little doubt the man means trouble. Rating for adult language and some violence. Nothing graphic.
1. Chapter 1

There were times when you knew without even having to think about it that trouble was headed your way. Sometimes, it was a storm headed towards you, and the best you could do was seek shelter and ride it out. Sometimes it was an affair of the heart. That usually meant some riding it out as well. Sometimes it was a turn in fortunes, and all you could do was pick up the pieces and start things over. And sometimes, it was a stranger riding into town, sizing folks up as he rode and focusing an icy glare at one particular establishment that told you hell on earth was likely headed your way.

Vin made his way over toward the livery, where the stranger had ended up. He stood casually at the door, pleased to see Chris had spotted the trouble as well and was making his way to the same spot and arriving at the same time the ragged looking newcomer stepped out. It was clear he'd been on the trail for some time to get here. Chris suspected he was going to wish the man had kept riding.

"Welcome to Four Corners."

He ignored Chris's greeting. "Hear tell you have a fella by the name of Standish in these parts."

Vin knew immediately it wasn't a friendly enquiry. "What's your interest?"

"Hear tell he's claiming to be a lawman." The stranger snorted when he spoke, and then spit tobacco juice dangerously close to Chris Larabee's boots. The action earned him a squint-eyed glare that he elected to disregard.

"You seem to hear a lot of things."

He nodded slightly. "Make it my business to listen, Larabee."

"Have we met?" There was no doubt in his mind that he would have remembered this specimen.

"Know your reputation which is why I can't figure why you haven't strung up this Standish bastard yet."

Although he wasn't there at the beginning, Buck had heard enough of the conversation as he and JD walked up to the scene to get involved now. "We tend to avoid hanging folks who ain't done nothing to deserve it."

"Keep talking 'bout Ezra that way and we might just make an exception in your case."

He spit again before responding to JD. "No way to talk to a fellow lawman there boy."

Chris dearly hoped he was lying. This was not the kind of character who should be wearing a badge. "Where do you work out of, and what brings you here?"

"Nowhere at the moment. Retired from my last job when the town got state protection. As for why I'm here – told you that."

"No you didn't. Just said you were interested in Ezra. We'd kinda like to know why."

"Cause the bastard can't be trusted, and I aim to make sure people know that."

Buck had heard enough. "Fine, you told us. So you best be moving along."

With a smirk they all would have loved to wipe off his face, he stared them down. "Nah. Think I'll stick around a bit. Long ride to get here. Horse can use some rest." He turned and walked toward the boarding house, stopping when Vin called out.

"You got a name friend?"

"Course I do. Jessop. Carl –with a 'c' Jessop. Make sure to spell it right when you start sending your telegraphs."

Chris silenced them before anyone could comment. "Don't think we need to have this discussion in public. Jailhouse will do."

Vin had another concern. "You guys can talk it out all you want. Ez is due back from morning patrol in about an hour and I don't intend for him to ride into trouble. Least not without a warning."

Since they had no clue what was going on, Chris had to agree. "Good idea. Tell him to stay back if he needs time to figure this out. He should be coming from the north given his territory today. We'll keep an eye out in case you miss him. Buck can keep watch on this Jessop character."

"Maybe Josiah or Nathan should. He hasn't seen them yet." JD suggested.

"I have the feeling he knows who we all are, but you might be right. Go get Nathan for this, for now at least. I'm gonna start sending those telegrams."

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

It had been a long enough, and sufficiently boring ride, that Ezra was willing to believe the rider in the distance was nothing more than a mirage created by wishful thinking and the high noon sun. That notion faded when the illusion in question was close enough to be recognized. His relief at seeing a friendly face was quickly vanquished by the realization that Vin would not have come out here purely to provide company.

Ezra dismounted, giving Chaucer a quick treat as he waited for Vin. The look on the tracker's face confirmed his concerns and he prepared to mount up again.

"What sort of trouble has arisen, and which of our colleagues is at peril?"

"You know a fella by the name of Carl Jessop?" Vin nearly jumped off his horse at Ezra's reaction. The normally unflappable gambler went pale and his foot slipped from the stirrup. If Chaucer hadn't been there to lean on, he would have hit the ground. "Damn it Ezra. Didn't expect that. You ok?"

"My apologies Mr. Tanner. I was not expecting a ghost from my own past to be the cause of your concerns."

"So you know this guy?"

Denying it at this point would be futile. "Yes, I am sadly familiar with the man. From your question I can only assume he has arrived in Four Corners?"

"And asking after you – in a fashion. Doesn't seem to be a big fan of yours."

"The feeling is mutual, I assure you." Ezra finally mounted up, gathering the reins loosely and staring towards town. "He intends to stay?"

"Seems like." Vin gave him another minute, but when Ezra remained silent, he knew he would have to do the asking. "You want to share what this is all about?"

Forcing himself to meet Vin's gaze Ezra shook his head. "Honestly? No. I would prefer not to do that."

"You in danger?"

"Possibly. However, I can assure you there is no likelihood anyone else is, so there is no need to trouble yourself."

"When are you going to catch on that you being in danger is something we care about?"

"I suppose when I can determine why that would be the case." He has switched his focus back to the town, but Vin suspected that was embarrassment as much as concern.

"You don't need to ride back in today if you need some time to reckon on how to handle this."

"I am hardly geared up for roughing it tonight."

"I'll ride with you to Nettie's. She'll put you up."

"Unlikely. Regardless, it is ill befitting a town protector to run for cover behind a lady's skirt, wouldn't you agree?"

Vin smiled slightly. "Nettie doesn't wear skirts. And there is a mighty big difference between running and considering your options – wouldn't **you** agree?"

Ezra was appreciative for the proffered loophole. "Possibly, but I am not certain Mr. Larabee would see matters in the same light."

"Was his idea."

The look on Ezra's was would have had Vin laughing if the situation had been different.

"My, my, my. Will wonders never cease? As much as the offer is appreciated, I do not believe it is needed. Mr. Jessop is not a man who will decide to pack his bags and move on. Delaying the inevitable confrontation serves no purpose."

"That's your call, but we ain't letting you meet him alone. He's got a powerful dislike for you, and a law title that could excuse a lot of behavior."

Settling back into the saddle and urging Chaucer forward, Ezra dipped his head as acknowledgement. "Again, appreciated, but not needed. I doubt he would be foolish enough to be overt, as I am certain it has been made clear to him that, for reasons beyond my ability to fathom, you gentlemen would seek out retribution."

They rode back toward town in silence. Vin watched Ezra carefully for any hint of what must be going through his mind. An outside observer would have no inkling of trouble. Even Vin could barely spot the subtle shift in the gambler's demeanor. There was a faint squint that most people would attribute to the glare of the sun, and a rigidness to his posture Ezra didn't normally have when he rode. Chaucer gave more away, sensing the change in his companion and showing far more anxiety than his master. Ezra finally seemed to take notice, and spoke softly. "Steady friend. Remember your training. It is acceptable to be on alert, but you must never let them know what you are feeling."

Vin sighed. "You ever gonna let that rule slide around your friends Pard?"

"I am working on it."

"Work harder."

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

The town was fairly quite when the duo arrived. Despite Ezra's comments, Vin insisted that they come up quietly from the back, leaving the horses behind the jail and quickly slipping inside. JD and Josiah were there, and smiled warmly to greet them.

"Chris and Buck have been watching for you. I'll let them know you're -"

The door opened before JD could finish and Chris stepped in. "Jessop is in having lunch and several beers. Don't think he saw you come in. I left Buck there, and stopped by the telegraph office to – what's that word of yours Ezra?"

"In the context I believe 'obfuscate' is _le_ _mot juste_."

"Sure."

"Ready to share yet Ezra? Want to tell us who this guy is?"

"Not especially."

When he gave no further response to Vin, Chris took control. "What we do know is that he is – or was – a sheriff, like he said. Been in about half a dozen towns since the war ended. Was more stable before that."

"I am not certain that stable is a term that has ever applied to that man."

"We don't expect you to share every moment of you past Ezra. Most of it ain't our business or concern. But I get the feeling this is one of those times we need to know just what is going on. Who the hell is he Ezra, and why does he seem to want you dead?"

"He is a ghost Mr. Larabee. An curse. An albatross. A being that has, and shall continue to haunt me until one or both of us shuffles off this mortal coil."

Chris squeezed the bridge of his nose, hoping the act might somehow ward off the building headache, knowing it was a futile gesture. "Well that tells us fuck all."

Josiah stepped in to buffer the growing frustration. "We aren't trying to pry Ezra. Like Chris said, you have a right to your privacy. But this man clearly means you harm, and it is our intention to ensure that doesn't come to pass. We know your past was far from pure, but I can't believe – won't believe – that you have committed any crime or sin that could warrant his wrath."

"You would be wrong."

They all silenced at the admission, vague as it was. "This crime of yours real or imagined? I know how you've come to take more guilt on you than you deserve." Vin was with Josiah on this issue. Ezra saw his past as much worse than whatever the others had done – combined. It was an obstacle he would never overcome.

"Oh, it is very real. I stand before you as proof."

Enough was enough. There was no reason for Ezra to play these kinds of games anymore, and Chris was ready to lay that out in no uncertain terms when the meaning of the statement registered. He hoped to God he was wrong. "What do you mean you're the proof?"

"My sin, my crime to his interpretation, was in being born. The fact I elect not to bear his name does nothing to mitigate that in his eyes. Yes Mr. Larabee. Carl Jessop is my father, and he will not be satisfied until I am dead."

M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7

 ** _TBC_**


	2. Chapter 2

Ezra's effort to walk away was met with a wall of resistance. Josiah stood squarely in front of the door, while the others made comparable moves to block any strategic retreat. The only path open would have been into a cell and based on the look on Ezra's face and the equally dejected tone, Chris decided to err on the side of caution and blocked that option as well.

"Think I'm beginning to understand why you don't want me calling you son."

"There is absolutely no basis for comparison between you and that man, Josiah." Ezra spoke softly, for once not hiding behind formality and distance. "Anything you do that creates that link is decidedly unwelcomed."

Buck's voice was more subdued than usual. "I just figured since you never talked about him, you'd never met your old man."

"Sadly, I was not that fortunate. Nor was mother."

JD offered a half smile. "If she hadn't, you wouldn't be here."

The responding shrug suggesting that would have been no loss was not taken well by the others, but Ezra silenced them before they could voice the objections. "None of this matters at this point. All that needs to be said is that I am the result of what our town visitor sees as a youthful indiscretion. When the situation became common knowledge, he was drummed out of town by the moral and upstanding citizens who disapproved of such acts. They had no more sympathy for mother, the wanton woman who seduced a weak man. The two went along separate paths."

"So what's his beef with you?"

"It is simple JD. I serve as a reminder of that time in his life when his potential was thwarted by one dalliance."

"My guess is more than one dalliance." Buck spoke ruefully. "Some men just can't help themselves."

Ezra could hear the self-recrimination in his friend's tone. "Yes, but decent men, such as I choose to associate myself with, treat those women with respect and compassion. They do not blame them for every ill that befalls them, and they assuredly do not take out their anger and frustration…" His voice faded as he struggled to bring his temper under control. It was, of course, too late.

"Bastard hit her?" Josiah rose, ready to seek out justice for the deed.

"There is no proof, but I suspected from passing comments that were made. It certainly would fit with his character, or rather lack of same."

Chris had heard more than enough. "No reason you need to see the man Ezra. It's clear he has no decent reason to be here, so we'll escort him out of town for you."

There was a somewhat evil grin on Josiah's face. "Shouldn't be too difficult to find the proper justification. Or to provide incentive."

"Yeah, and if he can't take a hint, we'll just haul his ass outta hear." Buck agreed with his own somewhat maniacal glee.

Marvelling yet again over the fact these men would take on a battle on his behalf, Ezra felt he had to prove to them, but even more to himself, that their support was well-founded.

"No. My days of turning my back on my tribulations are behind me. I will meet with him and have what will hopefully pass for a moderately civil conversation, although I concede to having no real control over his end of things."

Not all that long ago the others would have been knocked of their feet by even the suggestion that Ezra was facing up to his problems. It did not match the man they had met a few months previous. Now, his statement wasn't a shock to any of them. What it was, however, was a cause for concern.

"At least make the meeting somewhere we can keep an eye on things." Nathan proposed.

"It ain't you we don't trust Pard." Knowing how Ezra thought, Vin wanted to make sure their motives were understood. "From what you say, he'll find a way to cause trouble, and none of us need to see that happen."

After a moment of hesitation, Ezra offered a counter proposal. "I will agree to the suggestion, but not that all of you are there. It would seem undignified to appear to be overwhelming him with your presence." The fact that he had no desire for the others to overhear the conversation was a much stronger factor, not that he would ever acknowledge that to them, or even to himself.

"Me and Vin were the first he met, so let's keep that connection going." Chris agreed that the group should be limited, although for different reasons. He had his doubts that Buck, Josiah, and even JD would keep their comments to themselves when the conversation inevitably turned ugly. And keeping Nathan outside the fray seemed like a good idea. If any of them needed fixing up when all was said and done, at least he wouldn't have been in the fight.

"How much time to you want to set yourself for this Ez? We can keep him outta your way long as you need."

As much as he appreciated Buck's offer, there was no logical reason Ezra was able to devise for stalling. "I see no benefit in postponing the inevitable. Perhaps if it is done with quickly enough we can all enjoy a relaxing dinner as reward." He couldn't imagine he was going to have much of an appetite.

"You want me to fetch him over here?" JD stood, ready to act.

"I believe he would find a jail house to give him home advantage, based on his career history."

"You forget Ezra. This is your home, and your advantage. You are part of the law in this town." Josiah hoped his smile was reassuring and took it as a good sign with Ezra grinned back at him.

"Yes, I suppose that is the case. And we shall certainly have the preferred privacy here."

Chris looked over his team, inordinately proud of the way they were rallying behind their trouble-prone mate. Ezra had, over the months, made a sincere and somewhat surprising effort to transform himself, while still maintaining his personal style. Every time he seemed to be leveling out and beginning to feel like he might truly have turned over a new leaf, something or someone from his past stirred his doubts. They had all known they could count on Maude to have that effect on him. None expected his father would appear to raise the same issues.

"Nathan, why don't you head over and invite this Jessop to join us here. You're most likely to keep your temper in check."

Before the healer could stand to follow the suggestion, Ezra spoke. "That might not be the best approach to take Mr. Larabee." He turned to face Nathan with chagrin and embarrassment. "I fear your presence would not be looked upon favourably, and I do not believe I would ever be able to ask your forgiveness for the comments my – he – would direct at you Mr. Jackson."

"Don't expect a man to apologize for the actions of others Ezra. Only his own, and you've done that in word and act."

"I am grateful for the understanding. However, I repeat, my past comments and deeds would seem tolerant compared to what you would hear spewing forth if you were to approach my dear father. I ask you please to not subject yourself to the vitriol."

Intolerant idiots were nothing new to Nathan, and he was loathe to shy away from them, feeling that only justified their beliefs. Josiah was aware of his friend's attitude but was more concerned right now about starting any more trouble than was already brewing.

"No point in getting Jessop any more riled up before he meets with Ezra. Things are going to be ugly enough as it is Nathan. I'll get him over here. I expect I can make the effort to do so without causing any unnecessary discomfort."

Buck followed close behind, dragging JD by the sleeve of his jacket. "We'll join you, just to make sure he understands the situation."

"Buck – behave." Chris gave his oldest friend a solid stare. "You heard Josiah."

With a shrug, acknowledging only that he would try, Buck headed out.

Nathan looked back at Ezra before making his way out the door as well. "I don't feel much like patching anybody up today, so try to avoid turning this into anything physical."

"I shall endeavour to control my actions, and those of our colleagues. I make no promises about the reaction from the other side of the equation. Thank you for your understanding Mr. Jackson."

With a small nod, Nathan headed out. He allowed a brief smile to come to his face as he marvelled over the change in his relationship with the southerner. If anyone had suggested when they first met that each would express such concern over the other's feelings and well being, he would have had them certified as insane. Now, that relationship was simply taken as a matter of course.

Josiah walked into the saloon where Jessop, having long finished his lunch, now sat watching a poker game.

"Not a gambler Mr. Jessop?"

"No. Unlike others, I choose to come by my money honestly."

Refusing to rise to the bait, Josiah merely nodded. "To each his own. Ezra is over at the jail house waiting for you."

"Seems like a fitting place for him. He behind bars finally?" Jessop's grin showed off the gaps of missing teeth, and the staining years of tobacco chewing had produced. "No, you wouldn't do that on my account now, would you?"

"He is waiting to speak to you. If you aren't interested, then there isn't much point in staying around this town, is there?" How a father could hold so much hatred for his own child was a mystery to Josiah. While he was willing to admit Ezra presented certain challenges, it seemed apparent that much of the blame for that lay in the way he was raised. He had always assumed that Maude's lifestyle was the strongest factor but was now beginning to see where the paternal influence came into play as well. Nothing would please him more than to have this man move on without ever coming face to face with Ezra, but he didn't foresee that happening.

"How do I know this isn't some kind of ambush you all have set up with him?"

"You don't. Feel free to avoid the risk of falling into any trap by mounting up and riding out."

Jessop's laugh was every bit as unpleasant as his smile. He stood, tossing a few coins on the table to cover the cost of his beer and headed toward the door. "Figure I'm safe. You all are such upright folks, despite the company you keep."

He had to stop short to avoid running into Buck, who stood just a step away from blocking the door. "We don't take to trouble makers in town. More than happy to lock up anybody who don't respect that."

"Obviously not." He sidestepped the challenge, not even bothering to cast a glance at JD waiting on the step below and made his way across and up the street.

M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7

 ** _TBC_**


	3. Chapter 3

If he was surprised to find three men waiting inside the small jail, Jessop gave no indication of it. "Didn't have the guts to face me alone." His tone made it clear it was a statement, not a question, and that it spoke volumes about his opinion of his son.

"I no longer live my life alone. Having friends, those who support me unconditionally, is a new experience for me, but one I have grown quite fond of over the past year. I am not surprised the concept eludes you."

"Would have to be unconditionally. You got too much crap stuck to you for it to be anything else."

"If this was the sole purpose of your unannounced and most unwelcomed arrival in Four Corners, please get the process over with so that we may both move on with our lives."

Jessop gave Ezra a long hard stare. "You still look every bit the useless gambler you've always been. Thought you went 'respectable'?"

"My appearance and my status are not mutually exclusive. Given that your present attire is hardly befitting a lawman, or a gentleman for that matter, I do not believe you are in a position to cast stones."

"Seen your ma lately?" There was an even more unpleasant sneer on his face.

His tone made Ezra anxious for the first time, fearing for a moment Jessop knew information he had not yet learned. "I heard from her recently."

"Did you now? And how is the slut?"

Ezra held a hand up, holding Chris and Vin to their seats, knowing they would object to the comment, for his sake if nothing else.

"Mother's standards have risen considerably since her encounter with you. She is a wise woman who learns from her mistakes."

"Well we agree on one part of that - you were a mistake."

"That's enough." Chris was on his feet. "Ezra may be too much of a gentleman to tell you to go to hell, but I have no such reservation. If you ain't got a decent reason for being here, then I'm telling you to get out of this town."

"On what grounds?"

Vin was standing beside Chris, looking far calmer than he felt. "We can start with your treatment of the law in this town. Add on being disrespectful and untrustworthy as well. And mostly, we don't like your face."

Jessop got to his feet as well. "You know this supposed lawman of yours has warrants out against him? I could arrest him on the spot."

"Be a waste of time. Those have all been vacated. Got the paperwork signed by Judge Travis." Chris didn't bother hiding a gloating smirk.

"Bought off a judge - did you? Nothing you won't stoop to. You may have fooled these yokels, but I know better. You are a scoundrel and a cheat. Lowest form of life I know of. Associating yourself with Yankees and Coloureds - you're. Embarrassment to the Confederacy. You've never done an honest day's work, and you never will. Don't have it in you. Too lazy, selfish and immoral. Shames me more than I can say to know that I'm partially responsible for you being in this world, and if I could find the way to do it legally, I'd take you out of it in a heartbeat."

Ezra had no doubt his neutral poker face was not doing its job. He knew the blood had likely drained from his face, as he felt lightheaded and weak. The number of times he had thought those same sentiments about himself was too high to count. Recent months had begun to change his opinion on the matter, but hearing them now, from this man, brought it all crashing down on him. He was left speechless. And mortified to realize Jessop was going to see the effect he'd had.

"Mister, you just issued a death threat to a lawman. You have one hour to get your ass on your horse and out of this town before we lock you up and lose the key." Chris grabbed him by the collar of his jacket, tossing him towards the door. "60 minutes, and not a second more." He slammed the inside jail door, taking a deep breath to try to settle himself before turning back. Vin had moved a chair over behind Ezra and was gently guiding him down.

"Take a breath Pard. He's gone."

"He was wrong Ezra. We don't need to convince you of that - do we?"

Ezra slowly shook his head, forcing himself to focus on the conversation. "No Mr. Larabee. He was right. Or more accurately, would have been right in the past. The not too distant past. I am learning to accept that his comments no longer ring as true as they once did. That did not lessen the discomfort of hearing them spoken aloud." He smiled as he looked up. "I believe you made a very wise decision in barring Misters Sanchez and Wilmington from this confrontation. Given the marginal success you had at containing your temper, I can only shudder at the thought of their reactions."

"Don't have much patients with idiots. Never did - never will."

"Nor should you. Well, I believe this matter has been resolved -"

Chris cut him off. "You can't believe he's done?"

The door opened again before Ezra could respond. He was grateful for the arrival of JD and Buck, hoping it would make his own exit easier. They didn't seem willing to let that happen.

"Saw him leave. Looked mad enough to swallow a horn-toad backwards." Buck shook his head as he spoke.

"Running him out of town." Vin replied. "You see where he headed?"

Josiah answered as he walked in. "Went to the livery for a minute, then over to the saloon again."

They all stood quietly waiting for Ezra to comment. He was at a loss for what to say, and JD didn't help when he tried to fill the silence. "He can't be that mad at you just for being born Ezra. Don't make sense."

"You will learn Mr. Dunne, that a good many people in this world need little or no excuse to lay the culpability for their failures on another person, regardless of the veracity of their contentions of responsibility."

JD looked at him blankly.

"He means some folks just want anybody else to blame when the screw up their own lives." Chris translated.

"Oh, I figured that out. I just can't believe a pa would feel that way to his son."

"That faith you have in your fellow being serves your humanity well, but may prove detrimental to your well being over time my young friend." Ezra was quite done with being the centre of attention on this. "I have no doubt he is preparing to follow your directive Mr. Larabee. A bully generally prefers to avoid confrontation."

As much as he would have loved to be able to agree, Chris didn't see it that way. His telegraphs had confirmed the man's history as a lawman, and not one to be taken lightly. "Not ready to make any assumptions on that score Ezra. Until I see the backside of him in the distance, I'm not convinced."

"You are crediting him with far more fortitude than he deserves. This is not the first time he has confronted me, nor do I expect it to be the last. To paraphrase the Bard, he is sound and fury, and is best forgotten."

Vin didn't believe him for a moment. "Doubt you're going to be forgetting this anytime soon Ezra. You can't let it eat at you."

Ezra resumed pacing slowly in the now crowded space allowed by the jail. It both bothered and, in some way, pleased him that these men seemed to know him so well. To understand him. Maybe not as well as they thought they did, but certainly better than anyone else ever had. "Mr. Tanner, this is hardly the first time anyone has spoken ill of me, nor do I expect it to be the last. Had I not learned to rebuff the opinions expressed, I would have long ago ceased to have any self-esteem whatsoever. And I am quite certain no one who knows be would doubt for a moment that I have full confidence in myself at all times." He stood, secretly proud of himself at the fact the internal trembling was not visible, and made his way to the door, closing it quietly on his way out.

Chris looked at the others. "Does he really think we bought that?"

"No, but for his sake, we all best pretend we did."

"And keep an eye on him for a while." Josiah added to Vin's answer.

Sighing deeply, Chris nodded. "Just once, I'd like to have an easy day."

That brought a loud laugh from Buck. "Nah – you'd get bored."

"Maybe – but it would be nice to test that notion."

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

Smiling as he climbed the stairs to is room, Ezra gave the appearance of a man without a care in the world. What the folks below couldn't see, because he would never allow it, was the way he stayed close to the wall, leaning into lightly for support. The slow deep breaths were invisible, hidden by the loose drape of his unbuttoned jacket. And the hand in his pocket, presenting a casual and relaxed image, was actually there to keep the shaking from being obvious. The fact no one observing him saw any of that reflected the years he spent mastering the art of the bluff. He had often wondered if he even could determine for himself when he was sincere. Or if he ever was.

The tremors took over when his door was closed. He forced himself to make the few feet further to sit on the edge of his bed before hyperventilation took over. In short order he was gasping for breath, feeling the room begin to spin around him. He could hear the blood pulsing in his head as his chest tightened, With no conscious knowledge of the act he bent over, placing his head between his knees and trying to slow the process down. Only when he thought he was going to slide of the bed did he make a move, flopping back instead to stretch out. His head missed the wall by barely an inch, yet he was unaware of the fact. He lay still for several minutes, eyes closed, blocking all thoughts from his mind and thinking only of taking his next breath. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he reached the point his heart no longer was trying to escape from his chest. He opened his eyes, relieved that the room no longer spun, although he did feel he was looking at it through a fog.

It had been years since he'd had such an attack of nerves. There had been showdowns, beatings and gunfights since then. He'd been chased out of towns, arrested and even threatened with lynching on occasion. Even facing down Larabee after he'd run out on the men hadn't brought on this feeling. Nothing had sparked the anxiety those few minutes with Carl Jessop had inspired. It made no sense, but there it was. He could understand it if he had the least bit of respect for the man or thought that his opinion mattered. Those feelings, if they had ever existed, were long since history. He didn't know why what the bastard said got to him, he only knew that it did, and he hated that.

Needing the air, he made his way to the window, pausing before he opened it. That there was activity at the livery was not noteworthy. The fact that Buck and JD stood watching it like a cougar stalking prey was. He wasn't surprised to see a rider depart a moment later. Jessop rode slowly and deliberately past the two watchers. Ever from the distance, Ezra could see the sneer on his face. The total contempt. He could also see JD place his hand on Buck's arm in quiet caution. The simple act helped to keep guns from being drawn but did nothing to relieve the tension of the moment.

Jessop headed out, slowly making his way past the Standish Tavern, spitting again on the ground in front before spurring his horse forward. Nathan joined the duo on the street, watching the departure, while Josiah stepped out at the far end of town, keeping on eye on the departing figure until his was out of sight. He said a prayer that he would never have to see him again, doubting in his heart that it would be answered to his satisfaction.

Ezra quietly opened the window, allowing a cool fall breeze to blow the curtains back at him. Slowly, deliberately, he made his way to the wash basin, pouring fresh water in before removing his jacket and loosening his cuffs. The splash of water he scooped onto his face was tepid but felt cool against his burning cheeks. Nerves were giving way to anger, at the man who had dared to presume he could simply re-enter his world, and at himself for giving way to the emotions that were churned. That compounded as he became angry at letting himself get angry, and within moments he could feel himself losing control again.

He slammed his fists on the dresser, fighting the urge to throw the basin simply for the satisfaction of seeing it shatter. By this time at least one of the team would be downstairs, trying to appear casual, but in reality, watching for signs of trouble. The crash would bring who ever it was (betting money said Vin) running upstairs. He didn't feel up to creating an explanation that would not be believed anyway. Instead, he did what he had done countless times in the past when circumstances threatened to overtake his situation. He calmly reviewed his options, weighing out the choices to come to an ideal solution. Where this exercise differed from all past problems was in the possible solutions. One was missing from the table. Ezra knew that this time, no matter what might happen, running out was no longer an alternative. He felt unexpectedly satisfied with that realization and smiled at his reflection.

M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7

 ** _TBC_**


	4. Chapter 4

Carl Jessop set up his meagre excuse for a camp just a few miles out of town. He'd been watching for a few days before he'd ridden into Four Corners and reckoned this spot was unlikely to be noticed on a routine patrol. It would give him a bit of time to figure on his next step. Much as he'd have liked to be able to take care of matters in town right away, he hadn't expected things would be that easy. However unlikely it was, Ezra had managed to endear himself to the people there. They weren't about to turn him over easily. More's the pity. Just made it likely some of them would get hurt in the process of taking care of this last blot on his life.

He pulled out his tobacco pouch and flask before settling back. A fire would have been nice, but no point in drawing attention to the spot. He didn't really need it. He'd gotten used to be chilled most of the time. The doctor had told him that would be the case now. At first there'd been fever but now it was chills. Both of which were a bitch, but nothing he could do to change that. He pulled back on the whiskey. It wasn't as effective as it used to be but was better than nothing. Things had moved faster than he'd been betting on. No way was he going to have time to track down Maude as well. He was lucky to have made it this far. There had been a faint hope she might actually be in the area, but his best information had her in St. Louis, or maybe Boston. Or San Francisco. She tended to make herself hard to track most of the time. Necessary precaution.

This was more important. Removing the only remaining evidence of the biggest mistake of his life. He spit as he thought about it. It would have been nice to have a proper legacy. A son to carry on the family name. But not this. Not some illegitimate, conniving embarrassment. Not a bastard whose very existence was the beginning of the end of what should have been a promising career.

Jessop had had plans. He was going to be, at the very least, a territorial leader. Maybe not at the top of the heap. He never had the patience for that kind of political game play. But he would be a right-hand man. The top lawman for the territory. Maybe even beyond that. A federal post was not out of the question, with he connections he had in the south. Then this – blot. This abomination. Never for a moment did he doubt he was seduced. Led into a trap by Maude Standish, who no doubt had her own ambitions of riding his coattails to a position of power. Instead, a scandal. A puritanical mayor running him out of town and spreading word of this moment of weakness. His efforts to convince everyone – hell, anyone – that she was lying fell on deaf ears. Nevertheless, he denied it.

He had even more or less convinced himself she had fabricated his role until he saw the boy years later, when he was into his teens. The wavy hair. The green eyes. The bearing, the mannerisms. There was not a shred of doubt. And the knowledge ate away at him. His son should be someone to be proud of. Someone who might someday be a leader out west, not a gambler and cheat who had dozens of arrest warrants. It didn't matter that the name was different, or that nobody knew. Once he was dead, who knew what could happen. He wouldn't allow even the chance that Standish might decide it was to his advantage to claim his true heritage. Use the illustrious law career of Sheriff Jessop to further some con. And even if that never happened, it was enough he knew. Enough to haunt him to his grave and beyond. No bastard son was going to outlive him and sully the name of Jessop. If it took his final breath, he'd see to that.

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

With a soft, resigned sigh, Ezra stopped toying with his lunch and slid the plate quietly across the table toward Buck. He had yet to regain his appetite and regretted seeing a perfectly good meal go to waste. Buck look and the plate then across the table, arching an eyebrow to question the certainly, and sanity, of the donor.

"It's really good today Ez. You sure?"

"My reluctance to dine is not intended as a reflection of the quality of the meal, but rather as comment on my own state of mind. I simply cannot focus the energy for even such a mundane task."

Not wanting to risk losing out on seconds, Buck grabbed up his spoon and dug in before there was a change of heart.

Chris debated for a moment pulling the plate away and force-feeding the meal, but knowing how the action would be received, elected instead to have a chat with Ezra in private a little later. In the two days since Jessop had left, Ezra had been anything but himself. He had lost, significantly, both nights at the tables, and made no excuses for it. Given the that Friday night crowds tended to be more serious players, with more money on the table, Chris was already looking for a way to keep their gambler from sitting in on any games tonight, and probably loosing everything he owned.

Ezra saw the looks of concern, not just at the table now, but every time his crossed paths with the others. He knew patrols had been shuffled around, ensuring he now had the safest route in the rotation. He didn't know but wouldn't have been surprised to learn there had been a lengthy discussion on taking the task away all together, but Vin convinced them that kind of treatment would be seen as in insult – the last thing Ezra needed to hear right now.

There was no question that he knew he was being watched. Even coddled. But as long as he could at least pretend there was some dignity left to him, he had survived the scrutiny. But this had gone on long enough. Summoning his well-honed sense of survival, he decided it was time to take charge of is own fate once again and renew the pretense of normalcy. Before he could start, Josiah spoke up.

"Been wondering Ezra – have you let Maude know about any of this?"

The question caught him completely off guard.

"Summon Mother? What form of insanity would inspire such an action on my part? On anyone's part? Did you dwell on the matter and somehow reach the conclusion that being berated and battered by one parent was such a life altering experience that perhaps it should be relived by encouraging the other to come and do the same?"

 _Well done Standish. Perfect way to show them you have fully regained control of the situation._ Ezra looked at the others, waiting for the rebuke that was bound to come. No one spoke. He should have kept his own silence, but as the dam had been broken, he seemed unable to stop the torrent. "Or is it perhaps that you are you so taken in by the artifice of her charms that you are willing to ignore the consequence of her presence on me simply to have the excuse needed to invite a return visit?" The silence continued. Ezra was about to speak again when reality dawned on him.

"Or, perhaps, are you sufficiently concerned that Jessop, failing to achieve whatever his aim was in wreaking havoc on my life, may elect instead to seek out Mother and find some form of solace in finding retribution at that source?"

"There you go. Knew you'd get to it if you took a minute." Josiah smiled, telling Ezra without a word that all other comments had already been forgotten.

Fighting to hide the shame at his outburst, Ezra followed the lead of ignoring his diatribe and dealt only with the issue. "Your concern is appreciated, but I think unnecessary. The woman has an innate instinct for self-preservation, and I have no doubt whatsoever that she would deal far more handily with his intrusion into her life than I have ever been capable of doing. To my knowledge, her most recent refuge has been in the Nation's capital, where I believe she expects to form political alliances for her benefit. It is not a venue into which Jessop would easily be able to insinuate himself, despite the grandiose plans he allegedly once dreamt of."

"Wouldn't hurt to send a telegram, just letting her know he's been around." Chris's suggestions somehow always managed to sound like orders. Ezra was saved from further comment as Vin made his way to the table, back from morning patrol.

"Mr. Fleming seems to think there's somebody camping at the edge of his property. Noticed movement out there a couple days now."

Vin pulled out the remaining chair at the table as he spoke and sat next to Chris. Buck and JD turned focus back on their lunch, allowing Ezra, grateful for the change of subject, to respond.

"I assume he would prefer one of us to investigate the matter?"

"It is what we get paid for." Vin replied. "Figured I'd take a look tomorrow."

Buck stopped straining stew through his moustache long enough to comment. "You're scheduled north tomorrow, not west."

"Easy enough to adapt. 'less you'd rather Ezra took it." He glanced to Chris, who shook his head.

"How long does he figure this was going on?"

After a moment to work it out, Vin answered. "Noticed it Wednesday morning, so two days. Why?"

With a cautious look towards Ezra, Chris answered. "So, right after Jessop left."

The table went quiet. They had all assumed that issue was done with.

"I fear that may well be a valid conclusion. It seemed improbable to me that he would travel such a distance only to abandon his mission and turn tail so easily."

"You might have mentioned your concerns Ezra." Buck scolded. "We figured this was done."

"It was merely a hypothesis, with no facts to support the premise. That has not changed."

Chris knew when to trust his gut, and this was definitely one of those times. "JD, send telegraphs to any town within 2 days of here. Find out if Jessop showed himself anywhere."

Pushing away his almost finished meal, JD leapt to his feet and was out the door before Ezra could counter the suggestion.

"Such actions are not needed Mr. Larabee. To what end to you commence such an investigation?"

"Said it yourself Ezra. Makes no sense he'd leave like that. It was all too neat. Too easy."

"It makes no sense that he would linger either."

They all had a pretty good guess on how to answer that. "Reckon you're the reason for that Hoss. He wasn't just passing time looking for you. We shoulda figured there was more behind this. You and me gonna ride out Chris?"

Ezra cut off any answer. "While your concerns and contributions are appreciated, it needs to be said that IF it is in fact Jessop, I would propose that this is my issue to resolve."

"OUR problem Pard. Getting tired of having to remind you of that."

He gave a small nod before standing. "Very well. Now, if you gentlemen will excuse me, I do have an afternoon patrol for which to prepare."

Josiah had the feeling that was too easy as well. "Hold up Ezra. You ain't planning on heading west?"

"I offer my word that my travels will not intentionally intersect with those of the stranger in our region."

They all picked up on the precision of the language. "But you're guessing he might be out trolling for you, so making yourself a target strikes you as a good idea?" Buck challenged. "I don't think so. I got your patrol for the day. You can pay me back some morning after I've exhausted myself at Miss Sadie's place."

"Don't make me turn that into an order Ezra."

Knowing the stubbornness of the men at the table, surrendering was clearly the only option. "Provided you in turn, Mr. Larabee, offer your assurance none of you will head out to confront this - man - without permitting me to accompany you. Without that promise, I assure you I will find a way to make the journey on my own. There is not a thing you could do to prevent it."

Chris grinned. "Could lock you up."

"You would not dare." Ezra replied, with far more confidence in his voice than in his thoughts. Watching the dead-eye glare he got as a response he sighed. "Yes - you would."

"We won't keep you out of this Ezra, but you gotta promise the same. If it is Jessop, he's had time to set up an ambush or trap if that's what he has a mind to do. No point walking into it."

As there was no acceptable response to that, Ezra merely nodded, pushing his chair under the table. "Well, as it appears that I am not required to patrol today, I shall make an effort to find some other activity to pass the afternoon. Please let me know when you are ready to formulate an appropriate strategy for this undertaking." He left without looking back.

"He ain't nearly as confident as he lets on, is he?" Buck shook his head sadly when Vin agreed with the observation. "Ain't fair that the one man amoung us with both a ma and pa still around has such lousy ones to deal with."

Chris stood to leave. "Fairness has very little to do with that man's life Buck."

M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7

 _ **tbc**_


	5. Chapter 5

"And to think I used to pity the children raised in an orphanage." Ezra muttered to himself as he strolled the streets, wandering with no destination in mind. He'd tried to find something productive to do with himself to pass the hours. There was no decent poker being played this early on a Friday, and any efforts to strike up friendly conversation with anyone failed as he found his concentration wandering. That detail made him glad there had been no games to be found. He'd spent a few minutes helping Mrs. Potter with some incoming supplies, and stopped to check on Chaucer, who expressed extreme displeasure over being denied his afternoon exercise. A few peppermints mollified him for the moment, but there would be a price to pay the next time they went out. Chaucer would see to that.

His effort at an afternoon nap was fruitless as well, as his mind churned with scenarios that Jessop might be considering. He tried to convince himself this was all nonsense, and that the stranger outside of town was a wandering vagrant, but he knew better. He'd seen the look of hatred when they spoke. Jessop had come here for a reason, and Ezra could reach only one conclusion on what that was. He debated breaking his promise and leaving to confront the problem on his own. Again, he knew better than to bother. His stroll had convinced him he was being watched. Simply walking into the livery had been sufficient to bring Chris and Josiah out into the street, waiting close by and watching until they saw him walk out. The salute he'd given them did nothing to make either man feel the least bit ashamed of the scrutiny their teammate was under. As he hadn't seen Vin since lunch, he concluded the tracker was likely keeping an eye on things as well, albeit more subtly.

As the dinner hour drew near, and dusk began to settle, he actually considered detouring to the church. Perhaps Josiah was looking for a hand. His own afternoon had left him sufficiently restless that he was even willing to run the risk of being drafted into physical labour. He certainly had the nervous energy to spare. He was relieved of making the choice when he spied Josiah walking toward the jail house. As there were no guests behind bars to his knowledge it was likely he was searching for JD. When he saw him leave the building a moment later, carrying extra weapons, he concluded a plan had been formed, and headed toward the likely meeting place – the saloon. He had taken only a few steps in that direction when he saw Chris and Vin heading to the same destination and picked up his own pace.

"Ezra Standish, as a duly authorized officer of the law I am arresting you based on warrants in New Orleans and Savanah. Surrender yourself, and hand over your weapons."

Ezra froze when the shouting began. Dear Lord, why was he going to make this a public spectacle? What was to be gained? He decided not to turn, standing still in place, but speaking loudly, trying with very limited success to keep his tone civil.

"Sheriff Jessop, you have been informed of the invalidity of such claims. Any effort to take me into custody is a futile and superfluous gesture, serving only to make you appear imprudent and desperate."

"Drop you guns or prepare to pay the price."

That was all that was needed to cause the people on the streets to duck for cover. They were all to familiar with the randomness of gunfire during a battle, and few questioned this unknown sheriff's intention to make good on his threat. The icy tone left no room for doubt.

Ezra remained still. He could see Chris, Vin and Josiah had all veered from their initial paths, heading quickly toward the confrontation. He knew from their posture what had to be going on behind him – that Jessop already had his weapon drawn and aimed. A quick analysis told him there was literally no move he could make that would not result in a bullet to the back.

"Don't try it Jess-" Chris got no further with his warning before the shooting started. Ezra had leapt to the right the moment Chris spoke, dropping to the ground and spinning at the same time, his derringer dropping into his hand to fire. Bullets ripped past where he'd been standing an instant before. He fired both shots from his small weapon, their sound drowned out by multiple other gunshots echoing in the street. It was over in seconds.

Ezra sat up cautiously, his eyes glued to the weakly twitching figure on the ground ahead of him. Drawing his Colt from its holster, he slowly approached and knelt near the dying man. He could see the life draining from Jessop, and despite it all, struggled to understand. "Why? What possible benefit could you have hoped to achieve from this?"

"Seeing you die was all I wanted." He coughed weakly, trying to raise his gun. Ezra shoved it aside, even though the effort wasn't needed. He watched as his father's eyes glazed over, and his head fell to the side.

He knew he should be feeling something but could not begin to sort out what that should be. The effort to decide was cut off by a shout from behind. "Nathan – we need you – Chris is hit."

Ezra was on his feet instantly, spinning around to look at source of the shouting. His blood chilled when he saw Josiah leaning over the downed man as Vin ran to the stairs leading to Nathan's clinic calling for help. Without a second thought for the lifeless body beside him, he charged to the far end of the street.

"Please God – don't let this happen." He skidded to the ground beside Chris.

"Steady Ezra – calm yourself. It's not bad." Josiah tried to settle him, while keeping pressure on Chris's shoulder.

"Mr. Larabee, I would be greatly obliged if you could find both the strength and the willingness to soundly berate me for whatever purpose strikes your fancy at this time."

Chris gave Ezra a half smile. "Can I save that for a bit later? Hate to waste the opportunity when I ain't feeling fully charged for it." He nodded his head toward where Jessop lay. "You get his guns?"

"No need. He is no longer in a position to make use of them. I watched him take his last breath."

"I'm sorry Ezra."

"Well, I suppose it is good that someone is."

Nathan moved in next to Chris, gently nudging Ezra aside. Vin pulled him to his feet and they both took a step away. "I can't leave you guys alone for 10 minutes without one of you getting yourself shot." Chris winced as Nathan prodded, but said nothing. He focused his gaze on Ezra, who stood quietly a few steps away. Too quietly.

"Don't start Ezra. I'll say the same thing Nathan did. I don't want you apologizing for the actions of others."

"Shut up and stay still Chris." Nathan poked a bit more, and Chris silenced himself. "The shoulder ain't bad. Likely hurts like the dickens, but it's more a deep graze than anything."

Vin chuckled. "I'd been willing to bet your hurtin' more elsewhere, seeing as how this knocked you so hard on your ass." He grinned, looking back to see if his light tone had the desired effect of relaxing Ezra. The grin faded quickly as he took a hard look at the southerner, who was growing pale and unsteady. "Ezra, look at me. You hit? Ezra?"

There was no response other than a soft "oh" as Ezra went limp and fell to the ground before anyone could catch him.

M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7

 _ **tbc**_


	6. Chapter 6

"I don't need your help."

"Damn it Chris, just shut up and do what you're told." Vin snapped back at him as he helped the wounded man up. "Nathan don't need you getting any worse. He's gotta focus on Ezra so just let me get you inside."

Watching as Josiah carefully lifted Ezra's unconscious form, Chris silenced himself. Truth was, he doubted he could make it up the stairs without help. He just didn't want the town to know that. "How bad is he hit?"

Vin calmed his voice. "Lot of blood on his shirt. Looks like he was hit in the back when he tried to get clear."

Needing to be sure Ezra had been correct, Chris had to ask. "Jessop?"

"As a doornail."

Turning his head to look back at the body in the street, Chris felt the anger welling up again. "Should have locked the bastard up when he made the first threat."

"Wouldn't have helped. You couldn't hold him on that. He was coming for Ezra one way or the other. Least that's over."

Both men went quiet as they climbed the stairs to Nathan's clinic. Ezra was already laid out on the first bed, and Vin carefully lowered Chris to the second. "Now just sit still. Or better, lie back. I'll get some water to clean you up."

Nathan was cutting Ezra's coat free, mumbling about how pissed of the gambler was going to be to lose another jacket. "He needs to get these things made in batches if he's gonna keep being this stupid."

"Nathan?"

"Can't say anything certain yet Chris, but it could have been a lot worse. In fact, a couple inches to the left and it would have missed him." Ezra had been hit low in the back and close to the side, likely at the instant he was diving out of the way as Vin had suspected. The bullet passed cleanly through, making life a bit easier for Nathan for a change. Stitching a hole was easier if you didn't have to dig anything out of it first.

"Couple inches right and he would have been gut shot." Josiah's face was etched with worry. "Think it did much damage?"

"His breathing is even, and his heart seems steady. I'm thinking maybe we got lucky."

Setting down a bowl of water and grabbing some cloths, Vin spoke quietly. "This don't look all that lucky."

Few words were spoken for the next several minutes as both patients were tended to. Chris declined Vin's offer to stitch him, opting to wait until Nathan was done. He'd seen Vin's sewing before. Beyond that, the room was quiet until Buck charged in from his patrol about half an hour later.

"What the hell happened?"

"Easy there Pard. Everybody's gonna be fine."

"Really? Two men shot, a body with the undertaker and you're telling me it's all fine. Don't think so."

"Someone got the body outta the streets?"

"Well, nobody's lyin' there, so guess so. Guessing it was Jessop?" Vin nodded. "Who killed him?"

Nobody answered, each looking to the other. "Lot of shots fired. Hard to say." Vin finally replied.

Chris propped himself up on his good arm. "Nathan – you be able to figure which bullet killed him if you took a look?"

Not looking up from his stitching, the healer shrugged slightly. "Maybe. Depends on a lot of things. What difference does it make as long as the bastard is dead?"

Knowing what was worrying Chris, Josiah answered. "Might be nice to be able to let Ezra know he wasn't the man who killed his own father."

"Not sure that he'd have a problem with that." Buck disagreed. "Under the circumstances."

"Maybe not right now, but I'm betting it would eat at him fierce down the road."

Nathan cursed quietly at the fate that surrounded him with stubborn men. "Fine – I'll look at him later. Right now, if you ain't helping, you're hindering, so get out. No Chris – that doesn't mean you. Lie back and lie quiet, or I'll knock you out for the next week."

Nobody made a move to leave and Nathan was losing his patience. "There isn't room for all of you to be in here. If you haven't got a bullet hole in you, then leave."

"Hell Nathan, we all have bullet holes in us. You should know that."

"Fine Buck. If you haven't got a bullet hole less that's been there less than 24 hours, get out."

Chris opened one eye, focusing his glare at Nathan. "First you tell me to sleep, then you make enough noise to wake the dead. I can rest better in my own bed."

Josiah laughed. "Now you're staring to sound like Ezra."

Chris shifted his glare for a moment, before turning his attention back to the bed next to his, concern returning to his face.

"I told you Chris, he'll be fine."

"If he's fine, why is he still out? And don't anybody say it's because he likes sleeping so much."

Nathan moved next to his quieter patient, adjusting the blanket enough to be able to take another look at the bandages. Satisfied that there was no fresh bleeding, he checked quickly for fever and was pleased to feel that while Ezra was a bit on the warm side, it was nothing to be concerned over.

"It's not even an hour yet Chris, and he lost a fair bit of blood. Add that to the stress of the last couple of days, and the shock of everything that happened, and he's just shutting himself down for a bit. It was adrenalin that kept him going at first. With that gone, his body is just giving him a bit of time to recover from it all."

"You think he knows I'm OK? He was pretty upset, and that can't be helping."

Vin nodded. "I'd bet the only reason he passed out was because he saw you were ok, and he didn't have to worry about that. Now just settle back down and rest so that you don't end up giving him something to feel guilty for."

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

JD paced impatiently on the sidewalk. With the ban on visiting the clinic being strictly enforced, he hadn't been able to see either Chris or Ezra, and until he did, he couldn't convince himself they were going to be alright.

"Wouldn't have happened if I'd been here."

Buck grinned. That had to be the 10th time the younger man had muttered the same phrase. "Just when did you become the fastest shot around? If Chris, Josiah and Vin couldn't stop him from firing on Ezra, what makes you think you'd have made the difference?"

"One more gun might have been all that was needed." He knew it made no sense, but the guilt still ate at him.

"Kid, you can't change things. Ain't like you were out cattin' around or anything. You were on patrol, same as me. We can't be everywhere. Just relax 'fore you walk a trench into the road."

"I don't get why I can't go up and see them."

He jumped when the answer came from behind him. "Because I gave orders to keep you all out so they can rest." Nathan was on his way back from the undertaker, finally having the chance to honour Chris's request.

"I just want to look in on them is all." JD was going to add more, but Nathan's expression silenced him. "Something wrong Nathan?"

"Let's just say I found more than I was looking for."

"Damn – Ezra was the one to kill him, wasn't he?" Buck had come to agree with the notion that that wasn't going to the best outcome.

"Can't really say which bullet killed him. He was hit by four, but the one closest to his heart was bigger than Ezra's Derringer would fire, so I'm good with telling him it wasn't his fault." He rubbed a tired hand over his face before continuing. "There's more to it though, and I just don't know if Ezra needs to hear it."

"Hiding stuff always backfires Nathan."

"I'm betting the only thing that would surprise Ezra at this point is ifin' you tell him Jessop wasn't kin. Don't imagine what you figured out could tell that."

That would have been a great bit of news to share, but sadly, he couldn't. "No way to make certain on that, but I can't see Maude naming this guy if there was another choice. Fact is Jessop was sick. Real sick."

"Course he was. Anybody try to kill his own son would have to be."

"That's not the sick I mean JD. His insides were a mess, and not from the bullets. I don't think he would have been around much longer."

"Why would that bother Ezra."

"Sick, dyin' sick, is a hard thing to hear about family, no matter the circumstances."

Vin joined them in time to hear the last comment. "Think that's the reason he did this?" It would be nice to have an explanation beyond basic evil to offer Ezra.

It wasn't an easy question to answer. Nathan had seen illness ravage people, changing calm gentle folk into rage filled brutes. At the same time, he'd seen foul-tempered tyrants who had sought salvation as the end neared and became almost saintly in their daily life. From what little Ezra had told them, and what they had seen for themselves, Nathan couldn't see that there had been any alteration to the vile character of Carl Jessop.

"I'm thinking he'd always been a son of a bitch. Only thing this did was give him the excuse not to care about consequences."

Motivation didn't matter to JD. "Don't much care what he was thinking, or why. Just glad he's gone from Ezra's life."

M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7

 _ **tbc**_


	7. Chapter 7

Ezra lay perfectly still, listening for any indication of others in the room. He knew from the uncomfortable bed, the unpleasant aromas and the almost unbearable pain in his lower back exactly where he was. Waking up in Nathan's clinic was an all too familiar sensation. A habit he would dearly love to end.

After a moment, he was certain there was no other sound in the immediate area. No one was moving around, and unless they were unnaturally quiet, there wasn't even anyone breathing in the room. He shifted slightly, settling in to the peace of solitude, before his eyes shot open. There should be someone else here. Breathing. Chris had been shot. Ezra looked around the room frantically, ignoring the effect the sudden movement was having on his head and on the pain he'd been feeling a moment earlier. He was in the bed near the door. Nothing to his right but an empty chair. Fearing – dreading – what he would see to his left, he nevertheless shifted and sat up enough to allow himself a proper look. The bed was empty. Clean sheets were on it, with a blanket folded at the foot and an old quilt draped over the end. There had been a patient there, Ezra was certain. One who was no longer with him. With them.

Choking back his emotions, Ezra dropped his head back on the pillow. He no longer cared about the spinning room or the warmth at his back telling him he had opened the wound. Nathan would be angry about that. Of course, that was the least of his concerns. They would all be angry at him, and with more than just cause. It wasn't enough that once again the nightmares of his past had come to haunt him. This time, they had destroyed something that could not be restored. Chris's death – there, he'd allowed himself to form the thought – was a tragic loss on its own. But it represented so much more.

He was the underpinning of the group. The man who had pulled them together and still kept them focused. Ezra could easily see the team dissolving in the face of this loss. Buck would not want to stay, and JD would likely follow his mentor to the ends of the earth. This would be the opening for Nathan to move out to the village and settle down with Raine. Vin would likely head on as well, back to his wandering ways. Josiah might remain, working away at finishing the church, but even that was uncertain. He knew he'd leave. There was no choice. He couldn't stay and face the townsfolk, knowing his family had been the catalyst for this heartbreak.

The sound of approaching footsteps brought Ezra's mind back to the present. He closed his eyes, hoping whoever was there would simply look in and leave. He was in no mindset to deal with anyone at the moment. The door opened but did not close quickly. Not only was he no longer alone, he was about to have to face the music.

"Ezra, open your eyes. I can tell you're awake and that you've been moving."

Reluctantly, he followed orders, opening one eye. "My apologies Mr. Jackson, but I do not feel up to dealing with anyone at this time."

"Good to hear that voice again. Been a couple days of silence, and that just ain't natural from you." Nathan went to pull the sheet back to look and was surprised at how tightly Ezra clenched it in his hand. "Not like you to be shy Ezra. Loosen up some. I just want to check on the bandages." He gently untangled Ezra's fingers from the sheet and pulled it back. "Damn it Ezra, what did you do? How can you mess yourself up so bad, so fast?" He peeled of the bloody bandage and took a cloth to the wound. "Pulled out a few of stitches. Not as bad as it looked, but I'm gonna have to fix it up. I'll get you some tea for the pain."

"Don't bother."

The lost and dejected tone startled Nathan. "What do you mean don't bother? It's gonna hurt, you'll need it."

"Don't bother fixing it. The patient is not worth the effort."

"You're talking foolishness Ezra. I know this hurts and I know you've had a hell of a week, but if you think I'm gonna let you just lie there and bleed, then I'm gonna have to check you for a head injury as well."

"His death is my fault. I should have been the one who died." It was said so softly that Nathan wasn't entirely sure he'd heard correctly. What worried him more was the calm detachment.

"That's not right Ezra. Nobody is holding you to blame on this."

The words were meant to be comforting but came no where close to achieving their goal. "How could they not? How could anyone fail to see my full culpability?" He sunk deeper into the bed, trying to pull away from the healing efforts. He wanted no care or compassion.

"Ezra, you are not responsible. The man brought it on himself."

It was lucky for all concerned that the Nathan hadn't begun restitching, as Ezra pulled away sharply, spinning on the bed to face him angrily. "If you portend that by foolishly electing to come to the defense of someone unworthy of the effort, then I concede your point, but it is a vile condemnation to make."

Nathan stared, his mouth agape. It was several seconds before he found his voice. "Ezra – what the hell are you talking about?" There was no response as Ezra slumped back weakly on his bed, casting another forlorn gaze at the empty bed before closing his eyes and turning away. "Oh Shit. Ezra. Chris is fine. He ain't the one who's dead."

Ezra's eyes snapped open. "He was shot. Grievously injured."

"Wasn't hurt half as bad as you were, and he was complaining so loud about being in here I figured you would never get the rest you need."

The intensity of Ezra's stare matched any scrutiny he'd ever been subjected to. "You are not simply trying to appease me? You swear to me Mr. Larabee is recovering?"

"It was a deep graze Ezra. And he hurt his – pride – when he fell. You let me get you stitched up, and get some rest, and I'll have him come over next time you wake up."

"But I do not understand. If not Mr. Larabee, then which of our number has fallen?"

"Ezra, the only one who died in that shoot out was Jessop. I'm sorry to tell you like that."

The memory flooded back. His attention had been so focused on what he believed had happened, he hadn't given thought to what actually did. Now, he could clearly see the last flicker of life disappear from the disapproving eyes of his father. He tried to summon an emotion – any emotion – but was left only with numbness. "It was at my hand?"

"Does that matter to you?"

He had to consider the question. "No, I suppose not. What you must think of me for not being able to demonstrate, or even feign, so much as a modicum of grief over the death of a parent."

"I think the man didn't deserve you and doesn't deserve your grief. Now, lie still and let me get you patched up."

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

"Hear you've been asking about me."

"Rarely have I been able to say with any honesty that I was relieved to hear your voice Mr. Larabee, but today is the exception to that rule."

"If I understood that right – then back at ya. You took a mighty long nap Ezra, even for you."

"Hardly the first time you have leveled such an accusation in my direction. I trust Mr. Jackson did not falsify his claims on the state of your health." Ezra focused his gaze on the sling Chris was wearing.

The quiet man shrugged with his good shoulder, impressively leaving the other perfectly still. "Won't say it was just a scratch, but I've survived a lot worse. I know you likely don't want to hear this, but I'm sorry about your father Ezra."

Not wanting to speak on the matter, Ezra offered a shrug of his own, knowing the action was unlikely to close the discussion. He was right.

"Sometimes we're better men because of our parents. Sometimes we are in spite of them." Chris doubted Ezra would accept the sentiment but wanted to plant the idea just the same.

"And sometimes the 'better' nature does not appear."

"Yeah, sometimes. Can't say I know anyone where that is the case though."

Given that he was now, literally, painfully aware of the fact another shrug would be the wrong response, Ezra gave a small nod instead. "I presume his remains have been dealt with. Please inform Mr. Colby I will settle the bill when I have been released from Mr. Jackson's clutches."

"Been paid Ezra. Whatever else he was, Jessop had been a sheriff, and that means the territory pays to bury him."

"An unwarranted honour."

"Likely, but there it is. You shouldn't be paying for it either."

Knowing there was no answer that would be suitable, Ezra chose to evade responding by spinning the conversation. "Perhaps, but there are other matters in which there is recompense, or at the very least, amends to be made."

"Hold that thought a minute." Chris went to the window and looked down from the second story vantage point, waving his hand has a signal. He crossed the room again, pulling the chair over to the bed before turning it around and straddled the seat, resting his good arm on the back. "You're right, and we've been talking about that."

Immediate acquiescence was not the response Ezra had been expecting. It had become common for him to have to argue with at least some of the men when he tried to accept his role in most of the fiascos that seemed to befall the group. The fights were generally futile, as he usually ended by making the claim that he accepted their interpretation of events. He suspected they knew he remained unconvinced of their clemency, but neither side elected to dwell on the facts. To now have Chris concede the point so readily caused him more concern than he had anticipated.

"There is no justification for what happened, so I see no point in attempting to offer one."

"We know," Vin offered as he entered the room, followed by the rest of the team, "and we couldn't ask you accept any lame excuses."

Ezra's planned response was cut off in mid-thought. "For me to accept?"

"A blind man could see Jessop had it in for you, and we were just damned stupid to be taken in by him. Poor excuse for lawmen." Buck's usual lighthearted tone was totally absent.

"You, all of you, presume to take the blame not anticipating the insanity that would allow a man to enter a town in full view of those who had threatened him with arrest? You further blame yourselves for not foretelling his intent to kill his own flesh and blood, despite those same threats, and your presence on the street? A presence, I might add, that came perilously close to getting one of you killed."

"We knew he was no good, and we knew he was likely still be hanging around."

Chris nodded his agreement with Vin. "We could have locked him up for the threats he made but figured you wouldn't want him around."

"An accurate assumption. Gentlemen, it is unfathomable to me that you would consider yourselves at fault for the actions of my family. I can assure you I hold none of you remotely responsible. It is I who was, or should have been, aware of the depths to which he might sink."

"He was a sick man Ezra. Dying man. That can change the way a man thinks. The way he does things." Nathan doubted the words would provide much comfort.

"It is ludicrous enough that you are all seeking to make excuses for your own actions, but I will not tolerate the thought that you seek to provide him with any rationalizations for the mayhem he created."

"Not excuses Ezra. Just saying that maybe things were out of his control is all."

Ezra exhaled heavily, suddenly feeling warn down by everything that had happened. "I dare say, Mr. Sanchez, that your words may have a ring of truth in some cases, but not this one. Jessop was a son of a bitch when he impregnated mother, a son of a bitch when he abandoned her and continued to hold that designation through every encounter since then. His distain for her, and disgust at my mere existence are all the proof that is needed to confirm that his impending death served only to provide him the opportunity to act upon a life long desire. He is – was – a man without a single noticeable redeeming quality."

"And you're worried the apple doesn't roll far from the tree." Chris finished for him.

"Again, there is evidence to support that conjecture."

"Tell me something Ezra. You think Jessop was capable of feeling bad about what he did? I mean, ignoring the fact he was sick and all, you think he felt any kind of guilt about all of this?"

Vin waited for Ezra's answer, knowing he'd probably already figured out where the discussion was headed. "No Mr. Tanner. He has always believed his path was the high moral and legal ground, and any action he took was the sole valid option. And, in anticipation of your supplemental query, while he may have felt shame and anger over the way I choose to live my life, he would never consider taking any responsibility for my actions."

"While you feel all that, and more, about what he did. You can't seriously doubt you're a far better man than he could ever hope to be Ezra?" Josiah watched closely to see if his words were having the desired effect. The fact the Ezra had defended himself to his father did nothing to convince Josiah and the others that the gambler actually believed what he was saying. They had all watched him deny the emergence of his better self over the past months and had deep and real fears that this episode was hurting him in ways he would never acknowledge.

"I think," Ezra began slowly, "that I will not be permitted to slide down that path again. I dare to believe, to hope, that there will be six sets of hands reaching out to rescue me from such a fall."

Chris allowed himself a small chortle. "Well, not sure that exactly answered the question, but I guess it's the best we're gonna get for now."

Taking a look at his increasingly drowsy patient, Nathan walked over and opened the door. "OK, with that done, and everybody as happy as we seem to get around here, I want you all out. He needs the rest, and it wouldn't hurt the rest of you to catch up on that too."

"You need to practise as you preach Brother." Josiah grinned as he glanced back at the bed before leaving. These matters were not settled, and he had the feeling with Ezra they might never be, but as long as both sides were trying, things would be alright.

"Need anything before I take my own advice Ezra?"

"Thank you, Mr. Jackson, however as I believe I just indicated, I have all that I require." Ezra closed his eyes and drifted off with a small but satisfied smile on his face.

 **M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7**

 **The End**


End file.
